listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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