its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
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They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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