I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
