There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Pants are for mortals
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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