She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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