did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
