Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
