actually, I'm a sock model
I love black thongs
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
