Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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