i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
