Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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