we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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