im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
