I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
