Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
