i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
