70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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