oh god the rape fog is back!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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