I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
