My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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