the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
