My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
