I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
