Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
