I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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