Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
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My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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