i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
