I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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