Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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