Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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