I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
