I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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