I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
