you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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