Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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