Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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