we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
