The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
