She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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