is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
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I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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