I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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