He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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