Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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