so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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