Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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