Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pooping to opera.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
