His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
