what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
