Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
