This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
