Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
