you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
