Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
