So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
