some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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