She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
