I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
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An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We're too hungover to prance.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize