Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
