What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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