I hate all girls vehemently.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
