Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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