oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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