Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
