Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
