My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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