Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
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Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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