I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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