im six kinds of drunk right now
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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