I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
