It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
