I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
