Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
