There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's get the cat blown out
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
