Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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