someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
