Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
